Hello ,infodump warning for anyone who can’t read long chunks of info. I’m an early 30s neurodivergent mother of 3 neurodivergent children. My partner of 8 yrs but have one another more than 15 yrs- has been treated for anxiety since childhood , and medicated as GAD since highschool. He then got diagnosed with agoraphobia and suggested BPD by a useless psychiatrist who refused to suggest the psych to assess him for autism. Knowing our daughter who is his mini I can definitely see he would be another late 80s baby who is a missed case because of family history of undiagnosed and dismissed neurodivergent presentation like my own family. My mother luckily acknowledges now that she has learnt about it properly that I do check all the boxes for autism and adhd combined presentation consistency and has recognised herself as the opposite type of adhd to myself. My partner is having a really hard time since we came out of lockdowns. So much so that I had to look for work earlier than planned. However I can’t cope as I don’t drive , only he does and the medications he is on sedated him so heavily. I truly think they have done more damage than good as his body has built a reliance on the intitialnmed he was put on and the Dr who gave it to him last year got investigated for giving it to patients from way too young without even suggesting he seeks counselling back when he was processing his parents divorce and being bullied simultaneously at a private Catholic boys school. I rely on him a lot because I do not have the capacity to drive and also have ptsd from a car accident I was in as a passenger in my early 20s. I feel much safer on public transport but the school run etc is not accessible for me with children with disability support needs in the mornings around task transition, school related anxiety , and task execution. He does the drop offs but comes home feeling sick and needs to go back to bed . He feels so much shame and I feel awful to keep bringing it up but I feel the help has been not much at all. I have a gut instinct I have to fight for him to seek diagnosis full report assessment but the cost just is not accessible. I truly believe it’s the missing link in his constant burnout state of being so fatigued he cannot wake and just overly sedated on meds that don’t work because they are not for his neurotype and what he needs is the right tools and not more meditation tapping or cbt , and not more meds. He definitely needs someone to recognise the high chance of him also being autistic. He is classic stereotype train special interest collector of figures and facts around the interest he regulates with , struggles with expressing his thoughts , struggles identifying emotions and reading people , struggles when sensory wise an environment becomes too loud and busy , and his panic attacks the more I learn about them sound more and more like part of autistic panic because of sensory overwhelm and also the agoraphobia that is a direct result of daily masking and forced going into open spaces he got to avoid for basically 2 yrs of lockdown to only be pushed back into his things were which wasn’t sustainable. I need to also figure out what the heck to do about my job. I feel I need to be home more. They all need me and I am starting to also hit burnout for trying to make working work but now due to being employed we have less money than when I was on welfare partnered alone as income, and now we struggle worse to afford rent but cannot move due to rental crisis and we are in good proximity to the children’s school and the kinder why would we move ? It’s so hard to put one foot in front of the other and all I want is him to recognized it in himself and remove any internalised ableism, and get the right support but also for me to be able to actually financially put one foot in front of the other instead of drowning in responsibility and no breaks to sort my own health care as I’m attempting to somehow save a few thousand for complex dental surgery presently. Also I don’t have my own ndis yet so can’t claim any health things there. I don’t plan on applying once I have my papers to prove it that’s another expense I am trying to pay off to have the written proof for hopefully having accommodated study options once I figure out what I can actually succeed at. I just want to be able to get ahead in life but we keep having roadblocks. I don’t know what jobs I can study for that pay well would even work around everyone’s support needs . Most of the week we have therapy sessions with ot etc
