a little help please

[Ellie]

Dear oh dear Rick. I'm not very good at taking compliments. I never feel I deserve them in the slightest, but thank you anyway. I'm feeling a bit flat lately, so haven't been contributing here much, however I'd just like to let you all know I'm thinking of you and wishing you all the very best.

Ellie.

[Ellie]

I reckon you're doing a great job Shanc. I can go literally weeks without doing any intentional self harm, but then on sheer impulse, I just have to do it. It's mostly when I get sooooo stressed that it happens and that stress can be caused by the smallest of little things that I take to heart and it builds and builds until the inevitable happens.

I must say, the "melt-down" pills work, however I only ever take them when I absolutely have to. I don't want to get to the stage whereby I need to take more and more to get the same relief because it will eventually get to the stage where the psych says "that's it" and my body will be so used to the higher dose, that I'll no longer get the relief I need and then have no alternative.

I've been self medicating with alcohol for the past 44 years and that seems to work for me, although I can no longer tolerate spirits (which I used to love) or wines of any sort. Liver says NO! Beer is ok as long as I take it easy. Just enough to lift the mood without enough to cause a hang-over the next morning, yet even then I can become quite depressed after the initial mellow effect.

Anyway Shanc, stick with it and do what you're doing. You're learning how to be stronger day by day and that's great

[Alessandra1992]

Hey @Shanc,
how are you going with your friend? I really liked what @CherryBomb said about asking for some time with your friend..and being patient in the meantime as she settles into her new role. Often when we start new jobs we really have to focus on self care whilst we adjust to the rhythms of a new work environment, new colleagues and new work culture..so if your friend isn't able to give you much time over next few months it maybe she's adjusting to new position.. Luckily in meantime you can maybe txt or call her and send positive messages! She might be nervous about new job, and might worry about losing your friendship too..

[Rick]

@shanc 

Howdy Shance, my friend

How's the life ?

Been thinking of you recently. I guess it's the mother issue. Mine was a psychopath ( my Doc's diagnosis)

and she probably is. She enjoyed causing physical pain and was an expert in mental pain as well. A great manipulator. A truly messed up piece of work.

And the more I reflect on it the more your mother figure comes to mind. 

I won't advise because it is not my place to do so, But by Goodness I really want to!

I have not seen or heard from the woman for 13 years. And that is good! I have the power back, and I decide who I allow to influence my life today.

That was pretty close to advice was'nt it.

Ignore it, I guess I just wanted you to know I have a mother figure too, so I appreciate your struggle and thus I am very happy to offer what support you wish.

Please take care of you

Remember

Hope (being infinite and unshakable) endures

like an enduring thing......................................................................

Rick

[shanc]

Hi @Rick
Thank you for your message. I they are still away so I have not really been contacting her unless it's house issues.. Rollercoaster of emotions. The mother figure also offers great support and I have given her grief also over the years. But it really hurt and this one topped all onslaughts. I'm seeing my therapist Tuesday and will ask for guidance as to my next step with this so called dysfunctional relationship. I've been watching sons of anarchy non stop with the pooch as my couch companion. Today I feel ok.. Rick thanks for checking in

[Rick]

@shanc 

That's a good idea.to talk to your quack about it. I did the same, and he gave me good hard tough advice.

i acted on it and it was right.

Hang loose my man

Rick