rough time

[outlander]

Family are like it to. Thats what set more of this off tonight @Queenie
I really must be a horrible person if theres nothing more to me than my services. They only care about what i have to offer.
I guess without my roles etc i am a nothing.

[Snowie]

@outlander sis you are one of the most caring people I know. So many times putting your own feelings aside to help me/others.

You are worth it and are so valued and loved by me and others. My life is better with you in it. How much I wish I could sit next to you and give you much needed hugs 💜💜💜

[Queenie]

I, for one, don't think you're a horrible person @outlander. I think you're a great person and worthy of friendships and love and support from those who should care about you. Roles aside, I am sure there are many layers to what makes you you and many things to like. I see many things to like here on the forum, so I'm sure IRL there's many more. 🙂 

Would it be helpful if we both just sat together here this evening? I'm more than happy to sit with you (if you want?).

[Teej]

Hi @outlander. Just reading along. I think I know what you are talking about but give it time. I’m sorry you are feeling hurt. You have many other amazing friendships here. 

It takes time to work out what we give and take in relationships. Maybe you are ahead of the curve in working out that sometimes you feel like relationships are one sided. I did a bit of a reality check recently (3 decades after you) to come to the realisation that I knew what everyone else’s needs were but were clueless on mine. I had the mindset really of just trying to make everyone happy but didn’t really have a clue as to what made me happy. 

If you get a chance read Brené Brown on her marble jar and trust. I think friendship is lots like the marble jar. It wasn’t until I attempted suicide that I actually had a clue who cared for me as a person. It surprised me I can tell you. 

I think friendships will happen for you but you’ll need to find those boundaries. For now please don’t get too caught up with what’s not happening here but look at the good things that are, there are lots of them. 

Hugs 💜🤗

[outlander]

Thanks @Snowie  hugs would be good💜


Yes thank you sitting would be good please @Queenie 💖

@Teejthank you 💜 i can handle here ok, its tough and hurting but i guess thats the way it is. It become more prominent after i realised the offline things happening. So they have both just combined to make it a mess.
Why cant i make just one friend. I havent got a clue. Theres a pattern and i dont know how to break it anymore. The recent one i lost 4 'friends' all in one hit. I couldnt for the life of me work out how it went from normal chats about life and the horses ( we knew each other through horses) and going out for coffee, walking the horses, going to the movies etc to nothing delted and blocked on facebook and dont even acknowledge my existance even though i drive past them and occassionally give the friendly wave ( reciprocted with turning away or just staring at me. As soon as they could ride on their own comfortably that was it. Friendship was over.
The one before this recent one. I offerred to record a video for the rider as they were selling their horse and i ended up getting bullied for it and rumours were spread to another few people i knew and i lost them too.
Family arent much better.

I dont know what else to think or do. Is there something wrong with me that i cant see.

[Queenie]

Wow I'm sorry you went through all that @outlander. I see before me I person who didn't deserve any of that treatment. I can understand though how it feels, as I've been there too.

More than happy to sit with you my friend xo

[outlander]

Thanks @Queenie
I still deal with 4 of them ( the most recent ones) they are at the same property as me.
Thanks for sitting with me.

Its not fair to put this onto anyone. Im sorry everyone 😞 i should go

[Queenie]

I think if you are feeling distressed @outlander, then here is where you need to be right now. I'd hate for you to log off and get stuck in your own head offline (I do that sometimes and it is awful). If you need to just sit, just remember to breathe. 

Still sitting with you. I'm not going anywhere in a hurry. x

[outlander]

Im already in my head @Queenie been here for a few hrs. I wanted to control it without bothering people but cant even do that.
I dont know what i need. I dont want to deal with any of this anymore

[Faith-and-Hope]

My answer is no @outlander ..... nothing wrong with you and something definitely wrong with their behaviour.  There is no excuse for it.  You are sensitive and genuine and very giving of yourself, but here is an article about genuine, sensitive people attracting the “wrong” sort of company.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/sense-and-sensitivity/201201/the-highly-sensitive-person-and...

This also ties ties in with what @Teej has said about understanding what you need from a relationship and recognising what is happening.  I had to learn this too.  What you see here is what I experienced with in-laws, and I had to learn how to deal with it for my marriage to survive.