good morning @outlander@MDT@BlueBay@Appleblossom@utopia
Did you manage to get some much deserved sleep outlander?
Having disruption to your sleep pattern as well as nightmares I think that you mentioned would also add to the imbalance of all of the magical stuff that makes our brain think rationally...
Hormones would be in the mix..
Add in arguments..tension within the house...
you get a loving person overloaded with too many symptoms...too much pressure...leading to feeling very overwhelmed I can well imagine..
If I was to draw a stick figure....please do not take this as an image of yourself anybody...
the stick figure would have a strong lean to the side....like the bough of a tree overladen with fruit...a heavy weight sitting on it..
Excuse my rambling...I sometimes find if I allow my mind to wander with imagination ...ignoring the negative chatter...I can feel myself in a time where I did feel ok with myself....my inner child...yes was depressed...however I disappeared into my imagination often...in allowing myself to do this ...I am actually working at retraining my negative thinking which has developed over many years....many families have much to answer for in the way they treated some members..
Several of the others gave you a suggestion on how to deal with the negative talk...this is a good idea...
Swearing at it or visibly putting the stuff away can help for some people....
If any of these suggestions do not work for you..that does not mean that your low self esteem is justified either...
It just means that your mind is very clever and artful....you work at coming up with something bizarre that will trick it...this is how my mind works..
Sorry about the huge essay...
I also hope that I haven't trodden all over your feelings with my extra heavy lead boots either..
I am struggling myself at the moment and am on high alert so easily recognise when others just have too much going on in their lives...knowing that for now the only option is to step back...look after outlander...just keep on telling those who complain .."I need some time alone..please respect that" or in your own words...
ps I just responded to your other thread as well..
big hug to everyone 
Hi @outlander, just following up at more length on what I wrote about the selfishness issue in the 'help from the ladies' thread.
As with all the others who have replied here, I do not see you as a highly selfish person at all. I actually think some selfishness is needed for all of us. I see some degree of selfishness as necessary to survival. How can we take care of ourselves if we don't focus on our own needs and desires? We don't have to be martyrs to live a good life that benefits others in many ways.
I think you are low on the selfishness scale. You do so much for other people, especially your family. Even your studies are about caring for others. Don't buy into the negative projections of others about you, though I know that can be very hard to avoid, especially from family.
You are a wonderful young woman. If others in your real life are not supportive of your admirable study aims to better further your own life, and that of others, always remember that we on the forum appreciate you so much and are here to support you move forward well in your life.
@Sophia1 you have never ever stepped on my toes , or offended me or have any reason to say sorry. and i dont mind your essays either.
i havent particularly been asleep, on and off most of the night. was feeling quite sick so tossed and turned all night, todays not much better but have had to get up as have quite alot to do today.
It is alot of work to get my mind to co-operate. when im able to think better i seem to go ok but when things hit hard or build up things become very messy very quickly.
im sorry your struggling, your welcome to share whats happening for you here or you can tag me to wherever you feel most comfortable.
@Mazarita thank you, and yes i guess your right about needing some selfishness. i find it so hard to even know what i need or want. when i spoke to a psychologist last they asked what it was that i needed or wanted to do and i couldnt think of one think. it just caused alot of anxiety. we ended up working out that it was becasue my needs are often last through not only myself but from others as well and often shut down so have never really thought about what i need or want.
thanks again Mazzy