My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow Oh! Neuroplasticity is basically a term for the fact that our brains are flexible and can be 're-wired' - i.e. a reorganisation of the structures, leading to changes in how it functions, and in our thinking and behavioural patterns. In other words, psychedelics improve the brain's potential for change. 

Yeah I feel you, making phone calls does suck. I try to remind myself that it is never as bad as my brain thinks it will be when I'm actually on the call, it's just a matter of getting past that internal resistance enough to kick start the process. 

How about stuff like Lifeline or SCBS online chat services, have they served you any better in the past?

KITTIES!! OH I LOVE THEM 😻

Hmm... super low iron setting, with a thick teatowel in between? Would depend on the type of materials and paint I suppose. Other option might be to shove it between a couple of heavy books, and pile more heavy things on top to compress it. 

[Bow]

Thanks for explaining it all to me @Jynx  something to think about, maybe research a bit more myself and have a conversation with my pdoc about when he returns from leave. 

If I am absolutely desperate I will get on chat with one of them. I have used scbs a few times the last couple of weeks. Sometimes just being able to get things out of my head helps

gonna go crawl into bed @Jynx @not doing so good and I need to feel safer

gnite

[Bow]

@Jynx Seen my dietician this morning. It had been a while and I was honest with her that in that I am not in a place at the moment where I can make any changes. She was ok with that. We caught up though. We talked a lot about my schema group and I went over some of the things that I have been learning.

We discussed harm minimization. Cause that’s pretty much all she can help me with at the moment. Still feel like it’s a waste of her time.

My cat is doing much better and is coming home tomorrow afternoon.

I am still in an extremely vulnerable place. I am not always low and depressed, just always fighting these horrible thoughts in my head and the challenging thing is that I have so much motivation that it gets scary. 

[Jynx]

@Bow was jus about to check in with ya hehe

I mean... even if there's nothing new, there's always, ALWAYS goodness to be gained from the simple act of sharing. What's shareable is bearable I always say! And sometimes those reminders of our options for harm minimisation are exactly what we need to hear. I can understand the frustration if it felt like a waste of time, but maybe it wasn't as much of a waste as your brain is telling you?

Oh phew!! That must be such a relief! Gonna be lots of extra hands-on needed to look after him I'm guessing, whole new diet and everything! I'm sure he'll be stoked to be back in familiar territory 😊

Mm that is scary to have to sit with hun, for sure. Sit with that scared part of yourself hun... that's your survivalist instinct perking up, your will to live. It sucks to be scared, but it also means that there's fire, passion, and motivation for change still lurking about... just a bit buried maybe but not gone.

Jumping into PGC soon, but will check back in when I can 😊💜

[Bow]

I do like talking with my dietitian @Jynx she really listens, really hears me and understands. She validates and doesn’t dismiss anything I have to share. And I don’t really get that much from other people on my team. So I guess no, it wasn’t a complete waste of time. 

yep whole new expensive diet! His coming home on like 4-5 medications. I’m gonna get me one of them pill popping sticks if they have any there tomorrow! He hates medications! And knows when it’s time for it and I gotta chase him around the house. I gotta somehow separate the 2 cats too, make sure he is using the litter box enough and not getting blocked up. I’d hate to have to lock him in a separate room but it may have to do. 

it is scary. Very scary. Sitting with all these thoughts all the time. Sitting with all this pending motivation. It really does raise the importance of keeping myself busy. But I’m just left with them thoughts still. Argh I hate it so much. 

[tyme]

Hey @Bow  🙂

Your cat is unwell?

[tyme]

Did I tell you Ruby got desexed? Couldn't keep her still for long enough. She was jumping absolutely everywhere!!! @Bow .

[Jynx]

@Bow sounds like a legend!! Good one to hold onto 😊

Oh my stars haha that's gonna be wild! Like the saying 'it's like herding cats'... haha it's a big challenge for sure! Aww I'm sure you'll find your groove in a new routine w him, just a matter of adjusting hey. 

This is a random-as thought but... have you ever tried laughing at or making fun of the thoughts? Sometimes I find it actually really helps... sorta takes the wind outta the sails of how impactful they can be. Just following up the darkest, most heinous thought with like... 'Oh my goodness brain, you've been watching too many horror films, ya silly goose!' Cos we are NOT our thoughts, we are the thing that reacts to the thoughts. Like if you suddenly get a flash of something horrible and violent, the horrible violence isn't you, but the recoiling and feeling horrified part - that's you. And so we can treat our thoughts just as we might treat a toddler who says something absolutely bat-crap bonkers, just a gentle little 'Woooah there buddy, where on earth did you pick that up? Come on now that's not how we talk to people!' 

[rav3n]

hey @Bow hope you're night going okay 😊 

how's the progress on the paint-by-numbers going?

[Bow]

Hi @rav3n 

@I’ve had a crazy busy afternoon/ evening.  Just crawled into bed and burst into tears. Been doing all these things this afternoon (SW came to visit, finished some stick for market tomorrow, picked up mums sewing machine from being serviced, got a couple of groceries, picked my cat up from the vet, slowly made our way through super busy traffic to get some dinner, drove home, ate quickly, packed the car for market, settled my cat, packed our backpack for tomorrow, wrestled my cat to give him his meds- got scratched, had a shower…. ) ….all while fighting this bloody thoughts in my meds. It’s truly relentless. Wish I had the strength to just push them aside and ignore them. I’m sorry I feel like I just keep going on about it, but it’s honestly just constantly there. And I am afraid thoughts are becoming more concrete.

i finished my paint by numbers yesterday I think @rav3n 

 

@tyme I didn’t answer your post/ question from a couple of days ago. My ginger boy had emergency surgery Tuesday. His bladder/ urinary tract was very badly blocked and he was very unwell. With blood test they initially did, he really should not of been conscious. But they unblocked him, pumped fluid through him, corrected his electrolytes and kidney function and he came home today.