My Mosaic

[tyme]

Hi @Bow ,

I'm sorry it is so hard. I hear the frustration. However, we do need to ask you to keep your posts recovery-oriented. Are you able to go back and edit your previous post as per the guideline, Tell the Community What you need?

[AuntGlow]

Hello @Bow, 

I understand now... trauma anniversaries can be really dysregulating, so I get why you would be feeling more vulnerable at the moment. What kinds of things do you do to protect and nurture yourself around New Year?

Yes, I hear you on evenings being worse. My anxiety brain is much more active then too and rumination is definitely at its peak... when do you notice things quieten, even slightly?

Also, when do you see your support worker next? 💛

[Snowie]

Hi @Bow 

I'm sorry about last night.

Sometimes it's hard to come back from that. It can hurt too.

Just letting you know that I'm only a tag away if you need someone to talk to, to sit with, to unload.

You are not alone hon.

Hoping today is going ok. Sending lots of 💗💗

[Bow]

Hi @AuntGlow 

I really just gotta keep myself as busy as I can. I don’t feel like I have much control over what goes on inside me and how it affects me at the moment. I try to listen to my body and what it needs. Like today I was suppose to meet my SW out in the community and do something together, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t leave the house, my body isn’t feeling safe and I need to stay inside where I feel safe, so I let her know I couldn’t get out as it was too hard. She came and did a home visit. Letting my supports know when I’m not ok and need some extra support. And I think on the day of my trauma anniversary I try to have plans in place, so that I don’t have to think too much. 

When are things quiet? Hmm in the mornings my head isn’t so loud. I am probably my most productive in the mornings. I have a bit of energy and motivation and my head is kinder. 

My SW was here this morning. I think she was here nearly 2hrs. She talks a lot too though. But we did talk a lot about things. My medical complications and how I am trying to address that so it doesn’t occur while on our cruise, my intake, SH, we talked a little bit about some writing I sent to her the other night- that was a bit hard cause it was about my trauma. The Christmas party is next week and we talked about the pros and cons for me going. 

I still haven’t heard from my interim CM either and we talked about that too.

[Bow]

Thanks @Snowie @thanks for being so understanding. I wish you could know how much I appreciate you. It’s so much. I reckon if we met in real life we would be good friends. We would go to book shops and have cuppa together. 

hope your doing ok today?

[Snowie]

Oh my support button has decided not to work again

I appreciate you too @Bow You have helped me more than you realise.

I do think we would make good friends. Understand each other, I would love to go shopping for books with you! Except D would want to come. Maybe we need to do it over the holidays. You can post your book shops and I'll post mine.

I'm ok. I lied to mum. Rang her this morning and said I wasn't feeling well so I didn't have to take her anywhere. 

I'm actually doing some research for my next tattoo. Have to decide what and where. 

How has your day been so far?

[Bow]

Oh yes please share with me your bookshop finds @Snowie  my D loves bookshops too, we’d all go together! D and I will more than likely head into the city over the holidays and check out the Lego store and the book shops. Lego are starting to show what’s coming out on the 1st January and there are 4 new botanical sets! 

we went to the shops recently and D wanted to check out the book shop. I don’t buy from there cause I can get them cheaper at big/target/kmart, but I did find some Alice books….

 

oh I totally get telling a little white lie so you don’t have to go see your mum. Some times we just can’t do it. 

What are you thinking about for your next tattoo? 

today’s been a bit all over the place. Couldn’t go out and meet my SW so she came and did a home visit. Nearly 2hrs. But then did have to go just down the road and pick mum up from the bus stop. Too hot for her to walk up the hill today. 

[Snowie]

We would be able to make a day of it @

I will defiantly take photos when we go. I think it's so good to get kids into books. Your D must take after you.

A day in city sounds like fun. I never knew Lego brought out new kits on Jan 1st. Will have to have a look. I can imagine you having a lot of Alice books.

D likes to collect old Medical books.

I just don't have the patience for mum today. My head just wouldn't handle it.

I was thinking of a thigh tattoo next. Just scrolling through pinterest to get some ideas

I'm glad your SW came to you hon. Sometimes just being around others is exhausting enough especially doing it out in the public. I did see no contact for CM yet. 

Hoping things don't get too worse as the day goes on.

[AuntGlow]

I am really glad you listened to your body and followed what felt right and safe. There are times we need to stretch our window, and other times we really need to keep things in that soothing space. @Bow 

Having plans in place on your t/a is a really good idea, as well as keeping your supports engaged around this time. You are doing all the best things to support yourself. 🥰

Ah, that is really great to know! Hmm, I wonder if you can write down some things your mind says in the morning to review when you are feeling less regulated at night?

It sounds like she is really listening and sitting with you through harder conversations. Is this the support worker you were having challenges opening up with? Or a new person?

What are your pros and cons for going to the Christmas party?

Hmm, I am sure that is stirring some unease for you. I can imagine they would have a lot to follow up with coming to the end of the year, so I am hoping they will get back to you in the next couple of weeks. Please keep me updated! 

[Bow]

Hey @Snowie 

We have been out this evening. Had to force myself to get up and go. Would have happily stayed home in my cocoon where I felt safe. I tried out my loop earbuds. I’ve had them for a while, got them mainly for arts and craft but haven’t been going. They helped a little. But there was a lot of people. My D’s old school have been putting on this big Christmas festival for the last few years. Kids perform. Santa is there. Raffles. Carnival rides. Food trucks. Face painting and all sorts of other stuff. And then they end the night with some pretty epic fireworks for a little primary school! 

 

 

it was really nice to see the joy in my daughters face… and her friends, when they see each other. 

Home now. Fed all the cats and sitting on the couch. Need to get up and go to bed. I’m tired. 

im not a massive book reader. More of a collector. But my daughter thankfully enjoys reading. She loves dragons, so has all the wings of fire books. And she also likes warrior cats. 

Lego do releases the first of most months and bring out heaps on the 1st january. Think the TikTok video I watched today had 136 new sets. We get off our cruise on the 3rd in the city. I’m like…. Hmmmm do I go to the Lego shop then??? Or make a day of it some other day??? 

vintage medical books would be heaps interesting to collect! I could imagine the pictures they would use to use and how much that has changed. 

I hope you mum wasn’t cranky cause you couldn’t come out today. I’m really sorry she is a challenge. 

yeah still no contact from interim CM. It’s frustrated that my CM says that she puts things in place. Like asks if I’d prefer a home visit from the interim or at the centre. Like has conversations saying that there is absolutely no pressure for me to talk deep stuff and that she told the interim the same thing- that I might not talk much- she’s basically a stranger. And then nothing. Like why even bother? But as I said to my SW today, it’s honestly no surprise. They always do these kind of things. No follow through. 

do you have much on tomorrow? I know it will probably already be tomorrow by the time you read this… sorry it’s late.