My Mosaic

[Bow]

Haven’t really been feeling that of late @rav3n  sorry just being honest. 

might see my SW tomorrow, who knows. Didn’t hear from her today, someone else sent me a text. I told a lot of concerning stuff to my psychologist last week, said she’ll get my CM to follow up. Nothing. 

so who gives a toss really

[rav3n]

you're absolutely allowed to be honest, and i'm sorry it hasn't been feeling like that @Bow. what do you reckon would be helpful so you did feel less alone and supported? what can the forums community do to help?

that's extremely disappointing that CM hasn't followed up yet. i'm so so sorry that this has happened. 

i know that they should've reached out first, but at the same time, i do want to make sure you get support so i am wondering, would you be able to text CM and SW to let the know how you've been feeling about their lack of support? you shouldn't have to ask again and again, but unfortunately, it seems like they might need more of a push to make changes - and that's not your fault. seems like an organisational issue, it's not on you at all. 

[Bow]

It’s asking questions just like that and then disappearing @rav3n  and I don’t mean by finishing shifts. Just not bothering to respond. So why ask really? Why bother in the first place? And yep I’m aware y’all get busy and have other things to do, but when I peak elsewhere and y’all are continuing on with conversations elsewhere 🤷🏼‍♀️ 

rejection

abandonment

not worthy

dont mattet

forgtten 

so I just stay away. Don’t feel like this is the place for me anymore. Tired of opening up and for it all to fall on deaf ears 

I can’t text my CM. Phone call only. And I can’t be bothered anymore. Tired of chasing them for desperate support and to just be ignored. Feel like you only get a bit of support when I end up in hospital and even then it’s only considered an ‘ops’ and they move on again.

so again

rejection

abandonment

waste of time and space

not worth it

dont matter 

[rav3n]

i do see where you're coming from @Bow, and thanks for sharing. as you know the forums doesn't offer 1:1 support but we do encourage you to reach out to the community and lean on each other. 

it also sounds like that maybe 1:1 support might be more of what you're after? have you checked out our Guided Recovery program? they offer some 1:1 sessions with peer workers/counsellors and it's for free.

but if you do feel like the forums isn't the appropriate place for you right now, please do feel free to take a step back and lean on other supports (such as crisis lines, psych, guided recovery program, etc). you're always welcome back whenever you feel ready - we want to make sure you get the right support for you 💙

[Snowie]

Hi Bow

I'm not tagging you in the hope that you will see this message easier.

I will try and write it in a way that I am respectful to all.

I did read all your posts and understand completely what your were trying to say. I really don't think that you are the only one feeling this way. I don't think anyone intended to make you (or any one else) feel that way, however at times it does.

I know it is very hard with how your supports are responding (or should say not responding) to you. That extra support can be so beneficial to us.

Please know that I value you and your friendship a lot. 

[Bow]

Hi @Snowie 

thanks for replying and for understanding. I really appreciate that you took the time to respond. There is more I would like to say but I won’t. Feel like my honesty has made a huge mess and I’ve stuffed everything up.  Don’t really want to be here, too scared. And don’t feel welcome. Cried myself to sleep last night cause I feel so incredibly alone. 

I really value and appreciate you and your friendship and support. I was really hoping that you would not think that I was referring to you in any of my posts. Cause I absolutely wasn’t. I know things are rough for you at the moment too, hope you are coping as ok as you can . Much love and many warm hugs to you 

[Snowie]

Hi @Bow 

Firstly thanks for responding. I know how difficult it is at times to respond.

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear about how you got to sleep last night. It's not a nice way to fall asleep. 

I don't believe you have stuffed everything up. I know you were just writing what you thought. I know there were some issues, however I would never want you to feel like you cannot be yourself on here.

I'm sorry too that you don't feel comfortable at the moment. There is nothing really I can do to make you feel less scared and alone, except for being by your side.

You are not alone in this fight.

[Bow]

Thanks @Snowie 

@starting to panic a bit so I’m gonna go again. I’m sorry

please take care of you 

[Snowie]

No need to be sorry hon

You do what is right for you 💕💕

[Snowie]

Good morning @Bow 

Just leaving some 💗💗🫂🫂for you hon

Thinking of you