My Mosaic

[Jynx]

@Bow I mean, I imagine I would have issues with the texture if I ever touched one lol - it's the smell! It is such a pungent fruit, and not only that but no matter how little of it you put in things, it changes the taste. I can taste the teeeensiest amount of banana in something - literally would order like a smoothie and then taste banana and my fam would be like 'what? There's no banana in this what do you mean?' then I'd ask a server and they'd be like 'oh yeah we put a little banana in all our smoothies'. 

Bananas and fish. My two most hated foods! Funny how they're both stinky foods too 🤣 

Oh hun, that sounds awful! Slander does hurt, I'm not surprised it hits both you and your mum really hard. And it hurts the kids too, to think it's a lack of effort on your part when really it's their own mum spreading stuff around. I'm glad you had a vent hun, I think you're so valid in doing so. I hope you and your mum can be a comfort to each other in this 🤞

It did arrive! Couple pieces still in the shed for now.... gotta finish the de-cluttering before I can set up properly!! Like playing tetris 😂

I took some 'before' photos of my spaces, who knows maybe in a year or so I'll have some 'after' pics to show off! 😝

Hope you and the kitties are resting up good 😉💜

[Bow]

lol I see @Jynx  i get that. It’s like celery, it’s so overpowering and the smallest amount in anything and I can taste it. Now I don’t dislike it though, but I’ll only eat it in a salad or with peanut butter.

So we are going around there for lunch today for mums birthday. But we organised. And we are taking all the food. I wanna see my niece and nephew but it’s not really something I’m keen to do. It feels awkward. I’m angry with her. 

tires again today. Had a rough night with medical complications. And I’m irritable now too cause we had asked to do dinner with the bro and SIL but they want to do lunch. Was going to get stuff done today. 

[Jynx]

@Bow oh yikessss, I am sorry that it's all so awkward. I can see your frustration at the lack of hospitality and putting it on your shoulders to bring the food and stuff. 

Oh yay, even more disruptions and stuff for you to have to sort through in your brain! Ugh I know for myself, sometimes when I'm already under a lot of strain, those little unexpected changes can throw me right out. You poor dear. 

I'm hoping you're home now, and can get into cosy-mode?

[Bow]

Yep unexpected change really throw me @Jynx  and then my inability to accept that change and just go with the flow makes me annoyed with myself. 

lunch wasn’t too bad. There were a few comments made by her that were most definitely a dig at us. But I got cuddles from my niece- she’s a real fire cracker! And then my sweet little nephew, I got snuggles with him too. 

I spent the afternoon laying in bed. I am so utterly exhausted and it’s really starting to get to me. Was trying to organise dinner a little while ago and I had to go sit down. Really had to fight to hold back the tears cause I didn’t want mum to see me. But I told her I was really tired cause she came over to check on me. I’ve never been this tired Jynx. It’s chronic. I barely have the energy to do anything. Maybe it’s just cause I’ve got so blinking fat and my body hates me. 

[Jynx]

@Bow rigid nervous system is sometimes an impact of trauma hun. I do understand your frustration, and I hope you're trying to be gentle with yourself. 

Aww bless! Cuddles from our wee niblings (my collective noun/gender neutral word for nieces and nephews hehe) are so special!! 

Bone-tired probably the word for it eh? I am hearing you hun. That kind of exhaustion is so rough. Is there anything you think could help lighten your mental load at the moment? 

[Bow]

:middle_finger::middle_finger::middle_finger::middle_finger::middle_finger: to trauma @Jynx  I’m so tired of the impact it continues to have on me. 

oh I do love the term niblings. It’s so cute!

I really don’t think there is anything Jynx. All the usual stuff I deal with, plus just this time of the year in general, Christmas, school stuff, our cruise and all the extra stuff that needs to be organized for that. Thinking of a planned admission from the 8th. I’ve made an appointment with my gp but it’s a week away so I will call tomorrow to see if they can fit me in sooner. My vit D was low a while back and it was suppose to be added to my Webster packs but it wasn’t and that can make ya heaps tired. If it’s still heaps low I’ll even ask for a vit d jab cause maybe that will help quicker. I’m pretty desperate eh Jynx. I’ve even googled chronic fatigue syndrome cause I am zapped after the smallest thing. 

[Jynx]

@Bow yeah this time of year is so, so challenging hey. Even having the cruise I imagine is a lot of decision/logistics fatigue cos of how much planning goes into holidays. 

Having low vit D is so hectic! I have to take supplements (thanks Melbourne weather 😅) and really notice when I've not had enough sun - it's a different kind of fatigue, like the mental energy is kinda there (if a bit foggy) but even if I finally get the motivation to say, get up and do the dishes, sometimes I'll literally stand up for all of five seconds before just going 'nope... seems the couch is having me this time' 🙃😪 Zapped is apt! 

Try not to be too hard on yourself for struggling hun, anyone in your shoes would be 💜

Fingers crossed the jibby jab helps, if needed. Touch some grass this week? 

Catch you next time hun - hugs!

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

[Bow]

I cried again today because I am so exhausted. 

I checked the app last night and couldn’t get in to see my gp until next Monday- which I booked. But also called today and asked if they could fit me in even for a Telehealth. She was like nah sorry, can put you on the cancellation list. I told her my gp will usually see me if I need it, there’s a note on my life. Got a Telehealth booked for Wednesday am. If I can get a blood referral this week and then discuss next week I’d feel like it would be a start. 

maybe if I can get an answer to why I am so blinking exhausted ALL THE TIME and some treatment then it will help with my mood cause it’s most definitely impacting on it. 

[AuntGlow]

Hey @Bow, 

Thinking of you. 

How are things going at the moment? 

Please remember to drink a little bit of water and be extra kind to little Bow tonight, okay? 💛

[Bow]

Hi @AuntGlow  or whoever is about atm

im super tired. But that’s nothing new at the moment. I did have a much worse nights sleep last night though. Waking from many nightmares and just not being able to settle again afterwards. 

TW- shared with my SW in the middle of the night. I’m safe btw

Content/trigger warning

The things that haunt me in the middle of the night won’t leave my head. They are creeping more and more into my days and making the nights longer. Remembering the things that were done and how after all that he did he left me for dead. Oh how much I wish he got what he wished and I didn’t survive the ordeal that I am forced to relive over and over again.

I had my Telehealth with my gp this morning, explained to her how exhausted I am at the moment. She sent me through a blood referral, checking heaps of different things. Then I’ll see her on Monday. My SW is going to meet me tomorrow morning to have my bloods done and a bit of a catch up. 

was hot today @AuntGlow  so I’ve had plenty of water. What about you?