My special place

[rav3n]

sounds draining and overwhelming having those intrusive thoughts/images. 

sitting with you @Snowie 💞💞

[Ru-bee]

Hey @Snowie has something happened today, or is it just one of those days? I'm happy to sit and listen either way 💙

[Snowie]

thanks @rav3n 

I'm running out of things in my tool box to try.

@Ru-bee a bit of both. Lack of sleep and flashbacks are not helping. Also I'm the worst daughter in the world today b/c I didn't want to have a coffee after going to the supermarket this morning. Just needed to get home. 

[Ru-bee]

Yeah those would definitely not help @Snowie 

I'm really sorry to hear that you making a perfectly reasonable choice for yourself today became something you've been criticised for. You're allowed to need to get home and it sucks that you were made to feel bad about that

[Snowie]

I know sleep can affect us so much @Ru-bee My pdoc has been trying different meds but not really helping. I've been awake since 4:30 this morning and I don't know what to do. I try and go back to sleep but it just doesn't happen.

I'm just so over myself. 

She should be ok tomorrow, she needs me to take her to an appointment. When she wants something, it's different.

[rav3n]

@Snowie poor sleep really sucks, fingers crossed that things get sorted with yours meds soon. when are you seeing pdoc next? do you think freshening up toolbox might help?

having your mum not respect your wants/needs and then ask things of you must be super frustrating, you deserve to be treated with much more kindness. 

[Ru-bee]

Oh no that's an awful feeling, being so tired but unable to sleep @Snowie I hope that at least you're getting a little bit of rest for your body when you've lay down and tried to sleep.

I know it's frustrating and unfair but maybe that's a small blessing knowing that tomorrow will be easier? 

[Snowie]

@rav3n I do think I need some more things in my tool box. Some things that used to work don't anymore.

I've got another week to go before I see my pdoc. I don' think he will change my meds as he did last appt. I guess you have to give them awhile until you know if they help or not.

My mum has always been selfish, everything about her. She always has a comment about me, never good enough. The dementia has just made things worse.

@Ru-bee she's nice when she wants something or if we are around others. Would never say something to me when hubby/kids are around.

Sometimes I would just like to be invisible. To just ignore the world.

[rav3n]

yep that's a good pick up @Snowie i feel that at times too, like my toolbox needs an upgrade.

oh that makes sense, the waiting part is tricky hey. guess there's still a chance that the sleep could improve soon.

i hear you, it's so painful when the person who's supposed to love you most ends up hurting you more. and then with the dementia too, i imagine talking to her about it is difficult. i remember a while ago we were talking about respite care and similar things, has there been any updates about it? 

i'm so sorry your mum treats you this way, it's completely unfair on you. i'm glad you were able to say 'no' to the coffee and put your needs first, which her comments didn't follow afterwards.

[Snowie]

@rav3n mum has always been very critical of both me and my brother. Even growing up she was. On the outside, happy family, but behind closed doors I remember hiding from her when she was on a rampage. Her dementia has made it worse.

Her comment the other day was that I ruined my body with tattoos (as I got a new one) and what would others think. I did comment back that I couldn't give a crap about what others think.

I just ordered some more fidget toys!!

I have my weighted dog on me at the moment