Oh yeah that is me all over @outlander. You don't want to normal hun, you want to be you. And be accepted for you. Normal is beige: beige is boring. It takes time to find your 'tribe' in real life hun. Gosh, I am 50 and still trying to find mine! I know a lot of people but that is only because of my travels, and living overseas. There is only a handful I know I could really rely on and share personal stuff with them. The rest rarely reach out to me, it i frequently the other way around. And for the last year I feel a very important and special friendship is slipping away from me. I don't know what to do about it, but it saddens me very much. The tiredness of existing I think is what you are referring too. It is hard to keep going sometimes. All you want to do is lay down, and not get back up again. It is the trial of everyday being such a mud pit to trudge through. Like it's up to your mouth and you can no longer breathe. I remember those times very, very clearly. I wanted so much not to wake up the next morning. This last week I felt a bit like that too. The pain of not living is easier than the pain of living right? How do we keep going? How do we find hope? That is a really personal thing that sometimes you really have to reach down inside you to look for in the blackness. It's there, it's just the voice of reason and hope is muffled. I have to stop now as the tears are threatening to fall. But I hear you where you are at.
