My special place

[Snowie]

So I called

Told the same things I've been trying today

Couldn't stop it quick enough

Blah blah blah

[Bow]

You ok @Snowie ?

[Snowie]

No @Bow 

Sometimes I don't know why we bother. Sometimes I just need a break from myself

[rav3n]

hey @Snowie i'm hearing how exhausting and overwhelming things are, i'm so sorry you have to deal with so much. 

i'm just going to send a lil check-in email. i wish it didn't have to feel this heavy, please know we're here for you and we care about you heaps. 💗

[Bow]

Sitting with you hon. I get it @Snowie 

[Snowie]

@rav3n sometimes it just feels like this is the norm.

thanks @Bow I know you get it. I'm sorry you do.

[rav3n]

@Snowie i hear you. it really sucks when it's been a constant weight - i know it might be hard to hear right now, but you do deserve kindness and i hope you can be gentle with yourself tonight 💜

have you made tea/dinner already? got any self-care activities for tonight?

[Snowie]

Dinner's done, dishes done, everyone fed and happy @rav3n 

No self care, really don't have the mental strength/want to do anything.

Thanks for the email. I don't want to trigger anyone on here.

Just going to head to bed, take my meds and try and get at least some sleep.

Hoping tomorrow looks a little better. Speak to pdoc tomorrow, probably good timing.

I hope the rest of your night goes well.

[rav3n]

@Snowie no worries at all, i really hope you sleep well and got my fingers crossed that things are brighter for you tomorrow. good night 💜

[Snowie]

Firstly the good news.

Got mum's service referral codes for respite and residential care.

Emailed them, just waiting for a reply now and to see when we can set up the respite. Am hoping to set it up whilst we are away.

Also good news, got my new weighted blanket today. I have had my old one for about 5 years and getting old, so got a new one. My old one can be a couch one now. Can't wait to crawl into bed and try it out.

Spoke to pdoc. Still talking about admission with more ECT. Is going to look into med increases/changes too.

Did talk about increasing ect to once per fortnight, but again, relying on H and him taking more time off work. Can't put that pressure onto him.

Unfortunately, overall, today has been a lot like yesterday. Images I just can't get out of my head and thoughts that seem to be gaining strength. Baby steps.