My special place

[GezzaP]

Yes hospitals are horrible @Snowie . I live in the burbs but have seen snakes. I have two resident blue tongues. Just had an apple as was hungry. Will soon have dinner. Something easy. Tired. Still not sleeping.

[Snowie]

@GezzaP hopefully you can start getting some better sleep soon.

Being tired can affect us in so many different ways.

From what I saw of the lizard it was a blue tongue.

[GezzaP]

Yes I’m sick of not sleeping. I think tonight when I wake up to go to the loo I’ll take another sleeping tablet and force myself to go back to bed. I get skinks, geckos and blue tongues and brown snakes. Cat brings me mice and rats sometimes. Well I’m hungry going to eat something.

[Snowie]

I hope you get some sleep tonight and had something nice for dinner.

Going to head to bed. I know it's still early but one of those nights where staying up isn't going to help. Plus I loose an hours sleep with day light savings starting here tonight.

[AuntGlow]

That's perfect! @Snowie

It sounds like you already have a wonderful sensory self-soothing toolkit. I encourage to use it whenever you can over the coming weeks, especially when you are feeling disassociative. 💖

Your psych sounds like she is really attuned to you, I am happy to hear this. 

Apathy can feel scary, I get that very much so. Hmmm, I wonder what it would be like to notice what feels even slightly less apathetic in those moments? 

Also you mentioned hating small talk, and gah! I feel the same. It can be utterly painful. I am glad you didn't get stuck for too long. 

What came up for you when you were journaling? 

[Snowie]

I think over the years @AuntGlow I have learnt what I need in my tool kit. Sometimes I need to replace things as they don't help anymore, but overall it does help.

Multiple copies of things helps too so I can keep some at home and have some when I go out too. Lucky I have a big handbag!!

The one's that hurt help the most when I dissociate, if I get to them quick enough.

Yes I hate small talk, especially with those that would never go out of their way to help me. I realise that they just talk about the "good" parts of their lives. I just nod, smile and escape asap.

I journal my deepest, darkest thoughts. I won't even let my psych read most of it. I hide it so even my H doesn't find it. If I showed my psych or pdoc I know where I would end up.

I know journalling doesn't work for everyone, but I find it to be a release. It gives me a sense of freedom from myself. That allowing the words to escape from my head helps take the intensity away. It doesn't always help but after I get myself in the present, it is normally one of the first things I try.

[Snowie]

Anyone around

[GezzaP]

I’m here @Snowie  . How are you? My back, neck and head still ache. Reading a gardening magazine. Just about to stand up to bring my indoor pots back inside. I put them outside to get some rain last night.

[Snowie]

Today hasn't been the best @GezzaP 

Sorry to hear you are still in pain.

[GezzaP]

Oh i’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Do you want to talk about it? I can put up with my back and neck pain. It is the constant headache that is driving me crazy. Pain killers only work for a little while and tiger balm offers brief relief. It is hard to do anything when in pain. But I did my Spanish lessons and am about to read a gardening magazine.