Oscillation between two mind sets

[tyme]

Hey @creative_writer @Zoe7 @Gina2 

[Zoe7]

I think you handled that call really well @creative_writer 👍

It doesn't matter what age (or how long ago) trauma happened Hon - we move on (or through) in our own time. As we age, we do find more ways, more strategies and a lessening of feelings around trauma a little easier to get through. It is not a linear process though, often there are down times in amongst all the positive ones - for me, it was being able to acknowledge there would be those times but also realising that I would get through. 

[Zoe7]

Hi @tyme 👋

[creative_writer]

Hi @tyme, how are you? 😀

@Zoe7, I was a newbie at the time but managed it. Trauma does become entrenched. It gets to the point you’re trying to separate it from your identity but it’s hard

[tyme]

Good to see you both here @creative_writer @Zoe7 ,

I'm just following quietly along 🙂

[Zoe7]

It does @creative_writer but we can let it ruin our lives or we can embrace it. For me, I would change it all if I could but the reality is I (we) can't. So the step forward needs to be acknowledging it, dealing with it when it comes up and then moving on. None of us would be the same people without what we have experienced but that also means we are in a very valuable position to be able to understand and help others. We are NOT our trauma but we are moulded by it and that is something pretty special as we can use that knowledge, experience and strategies to help others ...which you are doing 💕

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7 💖

I know my trauma will help me understand where people are at. Lived experience brings a perspective.

I feel like I’ve been snappier than usual due to illness. I feel like my resilience has been lower lately so I can’t think straight and become angry over small things. My mum was like have a look at potential partners, I’m like how on earth am I supposed to show interest to guys based on info? I trust no one. How on earth are you supposed to find someone you feel safe with even in everyday life? Even that feels impossible right now. I’m exhausted and drained from the week. The stress of getting married is so real 😑. The other day I was annoyed because I felt someone was being clingy and I was exhausted and didn’t feel like talking. I feel so bad for reacting the way I am, but it’s hard not to feel frustrated and annoyed

[Zoe7]

Illness unfortunately gives us less resilience to those things @creative_writer but that is natural Hon. You have to look after you first and then you have time for others - that is not a flaw in our DNA nor a result of trauma - that is a natural human default - so go easy on yourself.

I certainly feel for you in regards to the whole partner/marriage thing. You are not ready and that is okay. How can you be expected to 'give yourself' to someone else when you do not know who 'that self' is completely yourself. I think you are on the right path for your future Hon - you are doing all the work and in time things will start to fall into place. I know it is a cliche but recovery is a marathon not a sprint. Keep doing what you are doing - keep being kind to yourself and above all, do not put any extra pressure onto parts of your life that are way back at the start line (yes another cliche lol). Those things that others feel are important will fall into place when YOU are ready 😁

As an aside - I wanted to let you know how much I value you and how lovely these conversations have been for me over the past couple of weeks ...so thank you for being you and also trusting me to open up and share so much with me 💕

[creative_writer]

@Zoe7, I really want to control physical symptoms because it is affecting my quality of life. I know it’s nowhere as bad as it was a couple of months ago, but have a long way to go.

I think the thing about marriage is it builds on trust, without trust the foundation is rocky. Trust is not something that comes easy to me. I see others getting married and feel pressure from others telling me I need to do it. I cannot enter a relationship without feeling safe. Romantic relationships are more complex compared to others too as intimacy happens on different levels. Reality is, if you’ve experienced trauma, it affects your ability to form these closer relationships.

It’s been nice talking to you too 💖. In real life I can barely share things with others. That’s how reserved introverts get through life. Fortunately, I have the weekend to recharge my human battery 🙂. I got my last assignment submitted earlier in the week. Still have placement hours to do before uni finishes for the year, but at least those hours are at dedicated times and days. I hope you can rest up and recharge over the weekend 💖

[Zoe7]

It is so hard to have trust in others @creative_writer I have a couple of people in my life I trust but that has been a long time coming. Sometimes you find it in the most unusual or unexpected places. I don't tell my family much because I do not trust them - especially my Mum and sister. They have no personal boundaries with keeping anything to themselves.

As for intimate relationships - that is a big no. Hurt too much in the past and honestly don't need it. For you Hon, it must be so hard having pressure placed on you. Unfortunately some just don't get that that increases the anxiety. You will know when it is right and you feel that connection with someone.

I hope you are resting up now. I have slept most of the day - not feeling great today so it was needed.