Thank you @Zoe7 and @Sans911 , like @Lee82 said to Zoe it just seems to be always a rough day lately. I have never struggled so much with my MH ever. In the beginning when I had my break down the first Boxing Day without my granddad (15/16yrs ago) and my DID surfaced for the first time, yeah it was scary, yes I had one or two attempts at leaving this world because I didn't understand what was happening to me, I even did a Brittney Spears (before she did) and shaved my head because I thought I saw a nit 🤨 it only had rough days it wasn't everyday, the process my mind chose to deal with my horrific abuse and neglect was down right exhausting and painful but it got better and easier to process, all of that was meant to be done. I have lived with my DID, functioned as a mum, wife, friend, daughter sister, Aunty and I held down a job for yrs with not one day taken off because of my MH. But since December I can't function as any of the above, he left weeks earlier then planned because he saw it coming and couldn't do it again(although he is still my biggest supporter outside of the fourms) I can't call an ambulance without freaking out, I can go walking because people scare the hell out of me. I have tried to leave this world twice since Sunday and the SH is kinda out of control as well. I just don't know where to go anymore.
Sans, thanks for the compliment, I am trying hard to be as supportive as possible of the other members. I struggle sometimes because I just want to talk to Lee but I think I am doing it right now. It was the strong connection with her that actually saved my life the first time this week. She notice that I said goodbye to you all rather than goodnight and when I read her post saying she hope it was meant to be goodnight and not goodbye, I broke down and started crying and my ex heard me and found me in time.
Sorry it's such a long post.
