not coping

[Snowie]

@Sans911 @outlander 💌💌

[Lee82]

Hey @outlander just popping to see how your doing? 

[outlander]

@Sans911 @Lee82 @Snowie @NatureLover @Maggie @Former-Member @Former-Member 

💜❤💙🧡

[Lee82]

You ok @outlander ?

[outlander]

no not really @Lee82 I cant talk about it here though. its too triggering. I just want everything over with.

[Lee82]

I'm so sorry hun. I wish there was more I could do for you. Sitting with my friend. @outlander 

I understand the want to have all this over with. It's a daily battle and I'm so sorry you have to deal with everything you are going through so young hun. It's just not f**king fear. I wish I could take all your pain away. If I could I would. 

[outlander]

thanks @Lee82

I tried talking to a specialised counsellor about some of the flashbacks and nightmares that Im getting but it just made me more anxious and uncomfortable talking on the phone to them. I tried the webchat but to speak to a specialised counsellor you have to ring. I cant say to them what I wanted to over the phone. it is embarrassing, shameful and uncomfortable even though it has been pumped into my head it isn't my fault. right now it still feels like it is.

the daily battle is hard and this trigger has just made it so much harder. Im struggling to even have a shower at this point. I really should but I cant even do that.

[outlander]

Theres many people having a hard time i dont want to add any more.

[Lee82]

You are not adding more to anything babe. You are struggling and we are all here to support you just like you have done in the past for us. I understand how hard it is to talk about flashbacks. Every time I try I end up having a massive panic attack. I do feel though if you can try and talk about it to someone it will help you desensitise yourself from it a little. 
hun it's ok if you don't feel you can have a shower right now. You sitting and breathing is all you can manage that is something and enough so please don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes that's all we can do and that is ok. I have those moments all of the time. 
@outlander 

[outlander]

I spoke with a counsellor today and she said 'its normal to experience the sort im having even though its not nice but to speak with the specialised counsellor about ways to cope' @Lee82 i cant talk on the phone and sane chat is never working anymore.
I need to drive home now thankfully. Thanks for being here