rough time

[BlueBay]

Hi @outlander

I'm sorry to read you are struggling with friends. I do understand. I just wanted to say I am thinking of you snd sending you lots of hugs and love. You are a caring beautiful friend to me. 

BB ❤️❤️ Xxoo

[Queenie]

@outlander, F&H has raised a good point. How bad you are feeling right now doesn't mean you deserved what has happened to you. As she has mentioned, you a sensitive, genuine, giving person. I would like to think that I am too. Unfortunately this opens us up to getting hurt in that we can attract the wrong type of company and find people often take advantage of us. 

Know that here, on this web forum, you are well liked and well respected. We appreciate that you are a kind, sensitive, genuine and giving person. We like those qualities about you and as a result we like you and respect you.

Massive hugs x

[Snowie]

@outlander hun it isn't right for anyone to go through that.  I am sorry you have had to deal with people like that. If you are distressed hun then stay here with us 💜💜💜

[Teej]

I’m sure it’s just not you @outlander. I think friendships in this era are much more fickle than in the past. I’ve been learning lots through my crew which is 3 girls and 4 boys. The girls have had some horrible things happen too that they didn’t deserve. It’s a pretty hard age as you are trying to work out how to 'make it' (whatever 'it' is in your teens and early twenties). Social media has intensified it all so much. It was one of the most competitive times in my life and that was without social media..........apart from new motherhood which is a hole new level of insecurities. 

The only advice I can give you is to be yourself. Follow your passions, keep being kind and set boundaries around giving. You are smart and talented and one day things will fit together for you better. I know home is hard but try to be gentle and know that families can be messy and it’s not always easy to know how you fit in. Sometimes words and actions from our loved ones might not be what they really feel. Things in families are often said without thought and there is usually a level of taking each other for granted. I know there are lots of complexities in your family and this may or may not be the case for you. Again though I think it’s important to work towards your goals whatever they are. They will help you to make friends over time and find you place in your family. 

Its not you @outlander im sure of that. 💜🤗

[Teej]

@outlander I just wanted you to know I’m not trying to minimise what you are going through but I was trying to give hope and help you to feel not so alone with it. I know it hurts but I wanted to shine a little light for you.....one that’s hard to see when you are in the thick of it. 💜🤗

[outlander]

Thank you @Faith-and-Hope for your kind words and the article. I had a read of it and it makes sense but i dont know how to enforce things into life so i dont keep encountering this sort of thing or to put up the boundaries..

[outlander]

Thank you @BlueBay for understanding. Its so friggin hard.

[MDT]

@outlander my friend you are a gentle kind soul. Always remember what your friends on here say. Never believe anything else. We love you dearly mate. You are amongst friends here.

🤗

I can't say much else atm. Hope it helps a little bit.

[outlander]

Thank you @Queenie
I just dont get it. My friendships start off as normal or what you would see as normal then all of a sudden it flips without warning and im left standing on my own wondering what the hell happened. The last time i spoke to one of them was when they come up and asked for their shed key back because her brother lost his ( her brother hates horses and doesnt associate with her) just a loveley excuse instead of just asking for the key back.
People say that the loss of friendship we had is 'their loss' but its more than just theirs. Ive lost 4 of them in one hit ( then the others plus bullies) because either theres no reason or they wont tell me the reason.

Thanks @Snowie i dont know what i feel. It is just one big expolsion happening inside and out.

[Faith-and-Hope]

It takes a bit of time to grow into it @outlander, a bit like learning to swim in the ocean.  You have to get to know how the waves behave before you stop getting dumped by them ..... that’s not implying you are at fault, it’s about skill-building.

My Mum used to say “you have to be your own best friend”.  By that she didn’t mean I need to be a loner .... what she meant was to consider yourself as much as you consider everybody else.  If you find someone hungry, and you give them all your bread, then you end up being the hungry one instead of them.   Share the bread .... some for you, some for them.  As a caring, giving person you can give away what you need, hardly realising you have done it, because your thoughts are on others ahead of / instead of yourself.  

It’s not selfish to put your own needs first.  It’s about learning to look after yourself the way you would look after a best friend .... sitting and resting with them when they are tired ..... making a nurturing drink for them when they are upset ..... taking the time to do the things that they enjoy ..... and that means reserving “me-time”.  

You will find others like you to be friends with @outlander by pursing the sort of interests people like you enjoy.

Baby steps, like with everything else.