The Challenges of Mental Health Wellbeing

[Sans911]

Morning @Zoe7. I've been awake for about an hour as some fluffy, four legged fur ball was hungry and was swatting me (Mr A)! :face_with_rolling_eyes:

I usually go back to sleep for 2-3hours around 6am. It's just before 5:30am.

I'm glad you had some off forum time last night. It's been nice to see you here despite your bestie being away. F & H would be so proud of all your achievements that you've got through lately. In a small way, you've also encouraged me to push through some barriers and keep going.

Yes, today is going to be a big day. But I've kept myself safe and alive another week so considering the risk my pyschologist and I thought I was in, I've managed it. It's been a year since my last attempt, and nearly 10months since I last sh (I think).

I've decided too a few weeks ago that even if I'm offered further corrective surgery I won't consider it. I've been through enough, and despite how much I loathe how I look, I won't tolerate further changes. What will be will be. I'm not happy at all but I was never satisfied with the way I looked. It's dissapointing though that the one chance I got to hopefully look better from stupid cancer has been so botched.

And the tears have started early today!

Morning @outlander @Snowie @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Teej @CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope

[Zoe7]

Oh @Sans911 I can fully understand you not wanting any more corrective surgery. Sometimes enough is enough - even when results are not s we had hoped or expected. You have been through so much with the surgery and complications - so yes I understand your decision.

A year since your last attempt is something to be celebrated - that is a massive achievement - especilly since over tht time you have been in some very dark places. You should be proud of yourself for getting through everything you have in this past year because although it has been very difficult at times you have still done that (even if it hs been hour by hour or day by day - it matters). 

You are so right about F&H being away - there are no words that can trult express how much I miss her but you and others here have been such wonderful supports and I have really appreciated that  I have been especially missing her the last few days but have been lucky to have you around later at night when I often chat to F&H - that has also been a lovely catch up with you for me  I do love me a bit of Sans911 time 

Our fur babies certainly tell us when it is time to get up and feed them - rain, hail or shine if they wnat you up then they will get you up 

You have a big day to get through but I am sure your psych will be impressed with how well you have gotten through this last week. I read about your boss at the op shop wanting to take you out to thank you for what you did at the BBQ - it may not seem a big thing but I think it is - the recognition that you went out of your way to both help and support someone else is wonderful ...and certainly fits with the way I see you Hon. It is those seemingly smaller things in life that are actually bigger things for other people that show your true character and the cring and compassionate person you are is evident in how quickly you jumped in to help - you are a pretty special lady Sans 

[Former-Member]

Dear @Sans911  ... I hope that both your plastic surgeon and psych appointments go well today.  Been thinking of you throughout the day so far, as I realise its going to be a highly emotional day for you all round.

Kind thoughts coming your way.

Sherry 💕

[Sans911]

Aww thank you @Former-Member that's super thoughtful of you. Tears are very close by.

I know you've had lots of struggles lately. Are things turning around and getting easier?

[Former-Member]

Yeah I get the tears @Sans911  .. been a lot of those from me lately too.  

Have you had your plastic surgeon apt yet?  I hope you were able to handle it as you might have wanted to, rather than allow emotion to come into it too much.

I'm not sure about me at this stage.  Everything seems very much up in the air, and on hold, for the time being. Like I'm just waiting ... just not sure exactly what I'm waiting for.  See my psych tomorrow though, and may know more where I'm at after that.

Sherry 💕

[Sans911]

I'm here at the clinic now @Former-Member. My scheduled time was 20mins ago but being in a public hospital clinic often means a wait of 2 to 3hours past my appointment time. When I walked in here, the waiting room was full. That's a good indication of waiting time. It's going to be a long wait.

Tears never come easily with me, so the fact they are since yesterday isn't a good sign.

Yes I understand that waiting feeling. I've felt that way for over 2 years since I was forced to stop work. I hope tommorow perhaps you are a little closer to having answers. For me, the wait must continue, and I'm not comfortable with that at all.

[Snowie]

Evening @Sans911 

I hope you didn't have to wait too long and that your appointment went well.

All my love, Snowie 

[Sans911]

Not a great day really. If it wasn't for my volunteer event today and attending a much desired course over the next 2days, I possibly would have sh by now. The urge is very much still around.<br><br>My plastic surgeon was obviously in a stressed, frustrated mood today. From the moment I saw her she looked like she has a lot to contend with. She was a bit concerned that I still had open wounds 5 months later, so I've been prescribed a special cream to try to speed up the healing process. And it's back to the clinic each week for the nurses to see what's going on. When I asked why I after reconstruction I was the same size (despite asking for a reduction) she gave me an explanation that was reasonable and made sense. It was what she said next that floored me. She said she regretted allowing my surgery to go ahead because my bmi was too high and instead I should have waited until I could reduce my size. However, being a public patient she had to tow the line and do as protocol says (which was do not delay). If I was private I would have waited another 6months or more. It wasn't so much the words she said but the way she said it. And if she hadn't detected my anxiety about being there, she just added to how down I was already feeling. I regretted the surgery too and felt that I did it more out of vanity than for my health. Well, I lost on the vanity front that's for certain. And therapy is still really hard. I'm getting nowhere, I can barely look my pyschologist in the eye, I feel like I'm sabotaging any opportunity to get better. I don't know if I can ever get over the betrayal of trust and feeling of abandonment that happened. Today feels very much like a 'why bother with anything' kind of day.@outlander @Snowie @Zoe7. I waited just over an hour Snowie. Not too bad a wait

[Zoe7]

That is one super hard day @Sans911 and there is no wonder with everything you have had to go through in both appointments that you are feeling like you do Hon  I have very few words that can help take away the disappointment and stress of today but I know I am not the only one here who care about you and want you around ....so if right now you can't summon up the need for yourself to 'bother' then we will bother for you. You do have so much in your life that is good - hard I know to realise when you are feeling this way - but it is true. Hold onto us for now nd just get through today - tomorrow we start again 

[Snowie]

Morning @Sans911 

Sounds like yesterday was a hard day. 

Hopefully the cream helps with your wounds, 5 months is a lot of time for them still to be healing.

I think it was really unprofessional of the doctor to say that she wouldn't have done the surgery. It is done now, there is no turning back, so saying that didn't achieve anything. I think doctors sometimes should keep their opinions to themselves.

I am glad you have your course to keep going the next few days.

I am hoping today is a little better for you hun.

As always, you are in my thoughts and lots of love headed your way.

You help keep me going, thank you for being you